Author: Sabrina

Sam’s been unsteady walking for while now. Not so unsteady that I felt I had to be a crutch for him, but wobbly. This morning he fell. Hard. He was in the living room, sitting at his table, watching a show (probably Giada at Home), and I was in the kitchen washing dishes. I heard a crash and rushed toward the source of the sound. Sam was sitting on his bottom with his back up against a dining table chair. He had gotten up to come see me in the kitchen and fallen so hard the whole table was shifted over. He didn’t cry. He wanted to get up. His bottom and back were hurting so we iced for a few minutes.

Then he was fine. Except for the rest of the day he could hardly step without stumbling and swaying. He can’t seem to figure out how to pick his feet up and put them down in way that makes any sense.

This is scary. Now he can’t be alone. Like a mobile baby in an un-child-proofed house he must be supervised at all times. He doesn’t get that he can’t walk, so he just gets up and starts motoring. So I didn’t shower today. I didn’t run. I needed to change his bedding. I needed to do laundry. I needed to make dinner. I made him promise he would not try to get up as I ran from the the living room to the kitchen and back again completing one small task at a time to get dinner (Arugula Pesto, Ricotta, and  Smoked Mozzarella  Pizza, p. 65, Weeknights with Giada, and yes, Sam “helped”) ready.

So we have hit a new low. This is scary, and it sucks. I asked my mother to come over for a couple of hours tomorrow so that I can get a few things done-like shower.

Oh yeah, and school starts tomorrow. Ben’s starting his Senior year, Abby’s starting her Freshman year, and Sam’s not starting 3rd grade. What the hell do I do about the First Day of _____ Grade photo? What. The. Hell.

Rather than using my personal Facebook page or Sam’s Facebook group page: Sammy Rulz, Cancer Droolz to update friends and family on Sam’s condition I’ve decided it’s best to post in a blog.  This way if friends choose to know what is going on with Sam, they can click the link (which I will post on both my personal page and the group page). It will also allow non-Facebook users to read updates on Sam. So here goes…

I named the blog, Enough for Now because I can’t put together the right words to describe all this blog may encompass. I just knew I needed to get started. It’s Enough for Now.

As most of you should know by now, things are not going well for Sam. In late May we received news that his brain cancer was not responding to chemotherapy and the tumors were growing  in size and number. We were told then that we were out of treatment options and were referred to hospice.

At some point I will probably post the entire history of his diagnosis and treatment, but for now I just want you to up to speed.

Sam has grown increasingly tired and foggy throughout the summer. He will lie down and nap a few times a day now, he doesn’t speak much, and he has some trouble walking. This is how brain tumors work, I’m told. Soon he will sleep more than not, and may become completely unresponsive to us. For now I am thrilled that he is awake more than he is asleep, can get himself around, answers yes and no questions, and laughs at our jokes. He is not in pain.

He still loves to cook, but there’s just not much he can do. I recently introduced him to watching cooking shows on T.V., so we could watch something other than Spongebob and Johnny Test. We don’t have cable but we found we could watch Giada at Home on Amazon. He adores her. My sister-in-law came to visit recently and wanted to know what Sam was into, so I told her about his love affair with Giada. She gifted to him 3 of her cookbooks. Naturally, this week’s menu revolves around those books. Tonight he “helped” me make Pastini with Peas and Carrots (he scraped the already cut up carrots from the cutting board into the pan, and he stirred in the cream cheese and mascarpone cheese). He was happy and it was delicious.